It does mean they will always be at least a little hard, different, and bittersweet. This of course does not mean the holidays can't still be wonderful. On our Facebook page, several people commented that, in the second year, it felt real that their loved one was truly gone and their holidays would never look and feel exactly the same again. The holidays stop being polite and start getting real. Though it can be easier said than done, try not to let those around you pressure you. In Year 2 and beyond, people may not be quite as understanding during the holidays. This includes during the first holiday season: Others are more likely to support us doing what we need for ourselves. Early on after a loss, we often get lots of support and understanding.

But by Year 2, we may find it harder to say no or admit our holiday grief. Remember: There is no set timeline for grief. You have just as much of a right to cut yourself some slack in Year 2 as you do in Year 1!ĭuring the first holidays, other people gave you a pass. That can make it is easier to say no to certain events, skip certain traditions, and find support around us. The first year we know it will be hard and people will (hopefully) be understanding. You cut yourself a break during the first holidays. As hard as it was, your mind and body may have still been in a shocked state-and that shock protected you just a bit as you muddled through the holidays. This is often true, but especially when you lost your loved one in the latter part of the year. Just know if this holiday is feeling even worse than the first holiday after your loss, that is totally normal. And when you think about why, it kinda makes sense.ĥ Reasons The First Holiday Might Not Be the Worst Sometimes they are, sometimes they are not. We just need to say one thing about holiday grief before Christmas and New Years are upon us: The first holidays are NOT always the worst. Until yesterday, Eleanor and I had felt like we had said just about everything there was to say about grieving at the holidays. Then, our Facebook page blew up with people discussing the first holidays after a loss not being the hardest. The consensus was that this was common and yet totally unexpected for many grievers.

I am a happy christmas tree